Chuck Norris

Apollyon · 07-10-2008, 11:05 AM

Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre holding a football even further.

It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not “attempt” murder.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver… and wins.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

If you play Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Megale · 07-10-2008, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Apollyon
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Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre holding a football even further.

It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not “attempt” murder.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver… and wins.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

If you play Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

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So many things to make fun of when it concerns Chuck Norris!

Prokomenos · 07-10-2008, 01:46 PM

One thing that Ill always remember about Chuck Norris were his side burns. In the move with Bruce Lee I dont remember if it was Return of the dragon but his side burns where hilarious! I also remember the part where Bruce Lee pulls on Chucks chest hair! hahaha

Megale · 07-10-2008, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prokomenos
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One thing that Ill always remember about Chuck Norris were his side burns. In the move with Bruce Lee I dont remember if it was Return of the dragon but his side burns where hilarious! I also remember the part where Bruce Lee pulls on Chucks chest hair! hahaha

LOL!! I think it was "return of the dragon" Also i think Chuck Norris didn't have his beard in that movie!! i think it was an imposter! Chuck Norris doesn't lose!! even to Bruce Lee! lol